THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
by Clement Clarke Moore
....AND THE DAY AFTER
by John Q. Henderson

This presentation is rated PG: There is low level violence,
and language that may offend some people.

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

‘But the day after Christmas — all through the house
Every creature was groaning— yes, even the mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there,

The wrappings were flung on the floor without care,
‘mongst punctured balloons and an up-ended chair.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

The adults were sweating and moaning in bed,
with hammering hang-overs thick in their heads;

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

and Dad to the toilet had gone for a crap,
a half empty beer bottle nursed in his lap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

When out of the bathroom there came a great clatter,
I crawled from my couch to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

I dragged to the bathroom — no way could I rush,
The bottle had broken; the floor was awash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick

A squeegee was needed, I staggered below,
And when I returned — I’d been rather slow...,
so what to my wondering eyes should appear
but eight mighty mouses all lapping-up beer,
They were sucking it up so dreadfully quick,
I knew in a moment they all would be sick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donner and Blitzen!

They were toping and laughing and playing strange games,
but then, in their cups, they told me their names;
They were Pride, and Envy, Avarice and Sloth
Gluttony, Vanity, Lusting and Wrath.

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

I waggled my squeegee, they ran up the wall!
then spewed it up, spewed it up, spewed it up all!"

As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

Down from the ceiling came puddings and pies,
and much other rubbish to startle my eyes,
So greedily swallowed, not even half chewed,
-- into the puddle of beer it all spewed.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

The rats then all gnawed a big hole to the roof
I was glad when they vanished, to tell you the truth.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

I needed a mop, and was turning around,
When down through the hole came Old Nick with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

He was dressed all in red, from his head to his foot,
And smelling of sulphur and ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

A cluster of imps all clung to his back,
I could see the fat rats had been trapped in his sack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His eyes were aflame! and his look was real scary!
His ears and his nose and his hooves were all hairy!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

His wide mouth was evil, his belly hung low,
I wanted to flee but had nowhere to go;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

Some smouldering sulphur he held in his teeth,
its vapour encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He stood in the room with his hands on his belly,
Then sneeringly laughed; and my legs turned to jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

He spoke of my soul and offered me wealth,
Then he laughed fit to bust -- and I wet myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

A flick of his tail and a nod of his head,
And a glare from his eyes that filled me with dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And tore out my soul with a terrible jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

Adopting a Statue-of-Liberty pose,
Up through the hole in the ceiling he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

I picked up the bottle, took Dad back to bed;
tied a cold ice-pack tight round my head,
and swore on the Bible that I’d mend my ways,
Go to church, and stay sober, on all holy days.

Arohanui John

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